Long distance relationships are not easy and definitely aren’t for everyone. It takes a very special person to be able to put the distance to the side and love someone unconditionally, but even then it is still very difficult. I am in one now and every day I wish I could go hug my girl, some people need physical affection daily and this might be too difficult to them! This post is going to go into some of the main aspects of an LDR that both you and your partner should consider before getting into one.
Before you read the rest of this blog and think it’s a bunch of hogwash, I used to despise the idea of being in an LDR. I always thought that they just could not work and that no matter who it was, I would just want physical affection too much to be in one. Well now I have been in one for a year now and I am happier than could be! I’m not sure how much my word means to you but those are my initial thoughts so without further ado let’s get to what you need to consider before getting into an LDR.
This is tied for most important aspects to consider along with physical affection for me. Obviously you don’t have to talk to the other person every single second of every day, but it would be nice to have some consistency in text. This is a pretty huge aspect of a LDR since you won’t be able to come home to that person every day and talk about everything. My girlfriend and I are both pretty busy but we try to have at least one long call per week. Sometimes we can get one in most days and other times it’s not for a week or so. This obviously varies from relationship to relationship as all of these aspects will. Maybe you guys are fine hardly calling and just texting or maybe you call more often than you text. Video chatting is also really important too and finding a way to work it into you and your partner’s schedule will really benefit you both. It is your relationship and you both need to set the standard of how often you talk.
Now this also includes talking about what’s on your mind. This could be a post all by itself but you need to talk to your SO about what you are thinking. It could be anything but if you have problems you need to talk it out. You both should be comfortable talking about your troubles in every day life and that includes your troubles with them. Don’t like that they keep going to McDonald’s every day? Talk to them, they might not have any idea it is bothering you and it can really hurt a relationship without the other person even knowing. That’s kind of an out there example but the case still stands that you should feel comfortable talking without repercussions.
2. Physical Affection
Ah, the most common reason as to why long distance relationships can’t work. Whenever I bring up that I am in one, this always what gets brought up instantly: “I could never do that, I would just want to hug them all the time”. Well let me tell you that I am CONSTANTLY thinking of hugging my girl so it’s not like I’m not wanting too. This is a make it or break it for all LDRs. Can you go months at a time or maybe even a year without seeing them in person and hugging them? If you don’t know if you can, you should really consider taking a moment to think about if starting one would be in your best interest. Obviously a relationship is more than just kisses and physical touch but that doesn’t mean it’s not a pretty big part of it. Some days you just want to come home and be hugged but knowing that your SO is miles and miles away can really hurt. If in the end you both think that you can handle the wait then you basically are ready for the LDR life style.
If you’re reading this I don’t want you thinking, “wow, if they say they don’t want me because of physical affection then they aren’t worth it.” That’s not the point I’m trying to make. Whether you want to admit it or not, most people really enjoy hugs and they really enjoy kisses. If one of you can’t handle the wait or struggle with the thought of it, don’t be upset because it is a very difficult concept to accept: having a person you love and care for but knowing you can’t hold them every night.
I’m going to be honest this is probably my most difficult one but it’s a crucial one. Can you trust your SO to go hang out with people if you know other girls/guys will be there? What about going to parties? It’s a lot easier to say yes when you’re there but when you’re not, do you trust them? Trust goes a long way in any relationship and it’s good to look at things from both sides. If you went to a party and your SO didn’t trust you would that bother you? Trusting them is a crucial part and if you just say I just won’t let them go to parties then you become controlling. Trust is a mutual aspect of any relationship especially an LDR.
It can be quite difficult to trust someone who is hundreds if not thousands of miles away. How do you know what they are really doing since you aren’t there? This is when you need to take a deep breath and trust them. They have probably had those same thoughts at some point but you need to think of that other person. Have they ever given you a reason not to trust them or do they seem like the type? If you are feeling any doubts you can always do what I do and just talk to them! It can help ease your mind when the other person tells you what is really going on and why you should not be worrying.
Every relationship is different, so maybe one of these will apply more and another might take more work. I consider these the three building blocks of any relationship but I would say they are amplified due to the distance. If you are doubting that you or your partner could handle any of these, maybe give it some time. A friendship with someone can sometimes be better than having the friendship ruined by trying to date them. Talk to them and after at least a few months if you believe you can trust them, communicate with them honestly and can handle not having constant physical affection, then I would say go for it. The worst that can happen is they say no. Of course easier said than done but if this person truly makes you happy than I would say it’s worth it. Trust your intuition and if you feel this relationship can be something special, think about how much better that person makes you feel and don’t just fixate on how far away they are. Long distance relationships are tough, but they make you a stronger person and allow you to really build a genuine emotional connection with another person. You just need to remember the reason why you are doing this, for that other person on the other end of the phone.